Athletes nightmare

by Mystery
(Somewhere)

Throughout my entire life I have been involved in competitive sports and nothing made me feel better then competing. One day at football practice my life changed in one play. That's all it took, I must have played 2334324322 plays throughout my lifetime and this one play would be the one I had been dreading my entire life. MRI revealed a blown out knee (Acl, LCl, hamstring). Now what, I never thought I would be the guy this could happen to, I know I'm strong minded and a leader but at this very moment I'm vulnerable and confused and feel the need to reach out because I'm torn up inside that my career ending injury happened. My first surgery was rough, I was on crutches for about 7-8 weeks post Op before therapy. Not being able to do anything at all is torture to me. I worked at PT trying to get full ROM but couldn't do it and needed a knee manipulation. This is where I'm at right now. One week after my knee manipulation and I feel like I might never walk the same again. I'm working hard and trying to stay positive but I have all these feelings that I can not control. I'm anger, depressed, sad, lonely, confused, and lost. Nothing seems to interest me at this point in time, everything I ever wanted I have right now and none of it makes me happy at all. When you asked me what made me happy those things would have been my answer. But what do you do when you have those things you always wanted and worked so hard to get that it doesn't even make you happy like your supposed to be. I'm writing this because I don't know what else to do. I really don't. This experience is definitely mental more then physical but the physical plays its part as well. Not being able to do nothing at all makes you feel like an out cast. Loosing everything you had and work so hard for, I never wanted to be that guy because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this situation very well on my own and here I am. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, I tried to reach out to people that I pushed away due to anger and lost of self, it's real and does happen.